I mean, really, what am I thinking!

I mean, really, what am I thinking? The closer it gets to Sunday's LA Marathon, the more the voice inside my head repeats this mantra, and I question my sanity, or lack thereof, with more frequency than usual.

As with many opportunities, goals and visions we have for our lives, we, I hope, question our ability to achieve them. For myself, I am very leery of people whom do not doubt themselves or their place in the world around them because out of doubt, hopefully, comes some form of education leading to a higher level of self-awareness; however, then there is the person who lives in a world of self-doubt never seeking the education or awareness possessing the potential to alter or change their situation; thus, stunting their emotional, psychological and spiritual growth.

The key for me, at least, is to put seeming roadblocks in my path and then maneuver around them while at the same time holding myself accountable and grateful for them. I just happened to have seen a short segment of Ellen DeGeneres talking about her first experience hosting the Oscars' something she had always dreamed of doing. She commented on how just before the show she was getting nervous and began to doubt herself but then she realized that this was something she willed to occur in her life so not wanting to be in a position of doubting her own decisions for having chosen to follow this particular path, she started to envision the days following the telecast creating in her mind reviews saying how cool and calm she was as host and how she moved through the show with ease; thereby creating an intention...an intention to be a cool and calm Oscar host.

While listening to her, I thought of how I, I guess you could say, I make sure I have a back-up plan when a major event in my life is approaching. And what I mean by that is I see to it I have something fun or interesting planned beyond the major event so the major event does not become a MAJOR EVENT in that it knocks me out of balance. The winter holiday season, for example, was once able to throw me totally outta whack, because I would put so much effort into it that come January 2, life came to a screeching halt and it was if I had slammed on the brakes just before reaching the cliff and there I was dangling over the edge until I could pull myself together. Now, having learned to plan something to look forward to in January, it really pulls back on that all or nothing huge deal I once held the holiday season up to be.

I have also come to realize that LA Marathon Sunday is just one Sunday out of a whole bunch of other Sundays so it is in my best interest to live in and enjoy the moment with friends both present and not who will be cheering me on and wishing me the best. I'm not a fast runner, but I do my best to hang in there, have a good time and finish the dang thing.

And, ultimately, I love the pre-marathon jitters, because if I didn't have them, it would mean I was not attached to the moment and as with anything in life, if we can move past that which has brought us anxiety and fear, we have the opportunity to set and example in our own lives as well as the lives of others and on top of that, it's incredibley empowering and fun!

"Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it."---- Lt. John B. Putnam Jr. (1921-1944)