"Larry...he's so nice"

My cousin, Steve, and his wife, Sandy, and their son, Austin, came to visit recently after we re-connected following a death in the family. It was not only a pleasure but also a lot of fun having them here.

At one point, I had a conversation with Sandy who mentioned to me Steve's sister, Beth, had said to her, "Larry, he's so nice". This comment really touched my heart and did so because being nice is something I've spent a lot of time developing. There was a time in my life when I did things for people, because I needed to feel loved and valued and then I moved into the bitter and angry phase for allowing myself to be used and abused by some who took advantage of my "niceness". In either case, I was letting others verify and justify my existence and well-being. I was not in charge. I was, as they say, very co-dependent. And when I talk about co-dependency, I'm referring to the negative aspects of co-dependency. The type of co-dependency that had me blaming others and holding them responsible for a life I was not willing to be in charge of.

Ultimately, though, I learned I am the one in charge, and I am the one who does what he does when he wants to do it...or not. No one else is accountable for how and why I choose to do things and even more than that, no one other than I is responsible for how I choose to respond and interact with others and the world around me or how I choose to feel. No one can make me feel sad or happy or angry. Yes, someone can trigger those feelings in me, but I am the one who generates them.

Does this mean I don't ever get angry and frustrated? No. But what it does mean is that I take the time to look at those instances of when I was angry or frustrated or whatever and examine them to determine what lead me to have those feelings. In other words, why was I coming from a place of fear instead of love.

Having the ability to take a look at whether or not I was coming from a place of love or fear and knowing and believing living a life of love is the type of life I want and can choose to live, is what gives me the ability to be nice. And this ability to come from a place of love, I have come to learn, starts with love for self. Having the ability to love, nurture, respect, care for and have compassion for self, has given me the ability to have it for others. Regardless of who someone is or what they have done, each and every one of us is worthy of love. Each and every one of us has a history; a life filled with experiences that have shaped us and lead us to where to we are; it's having the ability to honor each and every life including our own that gives us the ability to be nice...that gives me the honor of someone saying, "Larry, he's so nice".